Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
