glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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