Umm I'm too high to move.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Less talking, more tequila
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
