Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
