Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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