I just cut my nipple shaving
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My penis needs a shock collar
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
