i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
