You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
