Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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