we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
