If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
