it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
