So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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