Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
