He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
