Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
