now i know why i became what i already was.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
