my phone needs a breathalizer
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
