You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
