ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
