Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
