Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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