I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
