Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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