ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
