census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
