and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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