sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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