I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
