Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
