So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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