Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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