You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
