I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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