Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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