she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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