just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
