I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
