Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
