hotel room ftw
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
