Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
BRING THE BAGELS
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
