I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
