If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
