Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He kissed a someone with a penis
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
