i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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