call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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