I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
