he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You pole danced in your parka.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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