Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
