Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
home. puking in laundry basket.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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