How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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