I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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